In the early morning hours following a severe Los Angeles earthquake, "Hercules" executive producer Rob Tapert is awakened by an urgent call from on-set producer Eric Gruendemann, who is phoning with bad news. Rob immediately rings producer Liz Friedman, interrupting her boxing workout and irritating her enough for her use her shrimp knife as a dart for a dartboard with Rob's picture on it. Friedman, in turn, calls head writer and military man Jerry Patrick Brown, who is engaged in a serious game of paintball out in the woods. She then reaches drunken writer Paul Robert Coyle, who is losing at craps in a casino in Las Vegas. Liz is summoning everyone to an emergency "Hercules" staff meeting at the office. Rob bursts in wearing fishing gear, carrying his rod and tackle box. He is clearly unhappy about a sunday morning meeting and has to be reminded that he's the one who called it. Rob's assistant Melissa gets hold of writers Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman, who live in a closet in the meeting room, to join the conference. When everyone is assembled, Rob breaks the news -- Kevin Sorbo has disappeared!
Rob goes on to explain that Kevin was supposed to arrive in New Zealand that morning, but never made it. Paul begins to panic about losing his paycheck and Jerry proposes sending out a recon team. Rob sends for David "Davie" Scott Pollison, the office production assistant, and orders him to go around the world if necessary to find Sorbo. Jerry then suggests building the show around Ares. Liz counters by recommending a show about Callisto. But Alex points out that both characters are evil and would need a good guy to fight. While taking a break, Melissa Blake and Liz Friedman plot to kill their boss by poisoning his drink, which he unknowingly accepts, then suddenly when a "creative burst" hits, refuses.
Things get even bleaker when the head of the studio calls and announces he's on his way over. Melissa hits the red alert button and the production office roars into overdrive. Panic sets in but Rob assures everyone that the studio doesn't know Kevin is missing and it's going to stay that way! When studio head B.S. Hollinsfoffer arrives, he is suspecting something due to the warm welcome Blake gives him. Rob greets him with open arms. After some more hearty backslapping, Hollinsfoffer tells him that during the earthquake the prior night, a chandelier dropped on his head and he had a remarkable vision -- "Hercules...the musical." Just as Rob pronounces his idea brilliant, Davey calls in from Paris to say that he hasn't found Kevin yet, but has a new lead. Hollinsfoffer soon learns that Kevin has disappeared from Paul, who begs not to be fired. Hollinsfoffer slaps Rob and fires him, Rob returns the slap and quits, and Hollinsfoffer fires everyone else. Friedman murmurs that "The Adventures of Sinbad" might be hiring. As they all prepare to leave, the studio head realizes that someone has to handle the situation and rehires them all. Eric calls Rob to report that the crew is becoming suspicious and Rob announces they'll have to face the ugly truth -- it's time to find a new Hercules.
That afternoon, the team assembles in the office of casting director Beth Hymson. A bunch of bad actors come in to audition. The gang's spirits are at an all-time low when a panic-stricken Eric calls back to report that the crew now knows Kevin is missing. The call is cut short when Eric is thrown down from a castle top set, kicking and screaming. Melissa suggests that they do a "Young Hercules" series, but Beth reminds everyone that it would be impossible to recast the entire show fast enough. Rob thinks it could make a good spinoff someday. In the meantime, Melissa is ordered to give Rob a hair trim. She slips up and takes a large portion of Rob's hair off, forcing Rob to use red spray paint to try and cover his missing hair. Just then, Hollinsfoffer races in to inform Rob that if they don't come up with a solution by five o'clock, the show is canceled! When Rob gets in contact with "Davie" once again, "Davie" is in Spain getting chased by bulls. After Rob promises to give "Davie" a raise for his constant efforts, "Davie" is raised up after getting gored by a vicious bull.
Time is quickly running out as Beth struggles to come up with a new Hercules. Rob proposes doing a "Hercules" cartoon, but they'd still need Kevin's voice. Roberto suggests a series called "Chimpules," starring a chimp in Hercules' garb. All patience has run out and a full-blown brawl ensues as the writers and producers try to kill each other. Suddenly, everyone freezes and Ares (Kevin Smith) and Strife (Joel Tobeck) materialize. As Strife congratulates his uncle for causing the earthquake, Ares boasts that he knew Hercules would be unable to put his show above innocent lives and relishes the thought of his brother's show being cancelled. But much to Ares' chagrin, Kevin suddenly appears. Ares chides him for pretending to be a mortal, this `Kevin Sorbo' character, but Kevin tells him the world isn't yet ready for the truth. As Ares and Strife disappear, everyone in the room unfreezes and are thrilled to see that Kevin is back. He tells them he got stuck in traffic. As they embrace their star, a television newscaster reports that despite massive property damage from the quake, there were no casualties thanks to a "mystery man" who performed miraculous rescues throughout the southland.
Starring: Kevin Sorbo (Hercules/Himself), Michael Hurst (Paul Robert Coyle)
Guest Starring: Bruce Campbell (Robert Tapert), Hudson Leick (Liz Friedman & Callisto), Ted Raimi (Alex Kurtzman), Kevin Smith (Jerry Patrick Brown & Ares), Gina Torress (Beth Hymson), Robert Trebor (B.S. Hollinsfoffer), Lisa Chappell (Melissa Blake), Willy De Wit (Eric Gruendemann), Joel Tobeck (David Scott Pollison/Strife), Paul Glover (Roberto Orci), Charles Mesure (Johnny Pinto), Patrick Wilson (Evil Warlord), Ian Mune (Director), Jason Tahu (Paintball Player), Kim Raynes (Cocktail Waitress), Elizabeth Hawthorne (Mary Contrary (Newscaster)), Les Dwight (Elvis Hercules), Liam McFarland (Cool Hercules), Grant Adams (Clapper Loader)
Written by Alex Kurtzman & Roberto Orci
Directed by Christopher Graves