Frustration Plantation
Doomsday Averted
doomsday
averted, oh
if doomsday averted, oh oh oh
doomsday averted, oh
doomsday averted, oh
doomsday averted, oh
if doomsday averted, oh oh oh
doomsday averted, oh
doomsday averted, oh
doomsday averted, oh
if doomsday averted, oh oh oh
doomsday averted, oh
doomsday averted, oh
doomsday
averted
doomsday
doomsday
doomsday
averted
doomsday
averted
doomsday
averted
doomsday
doomsday
Secret Message
I carry a secret message
That I must give to you
It concerns suspicious blessings, now
I'm sure you'll know what to do
But if it should be some bad news
You know you can lean on me
It might explain Nostradamus
Or my addiction to prophecy
I'm not at liberty to say
How a secret message came for you today
I'm like a mirror baby
I refract light back at you
So silent, so thin, so tricky now
We do the things that lovers do
I'm not at liberty to say
How a secret message came for you today
It holds the secrets of my heart and my mind
It tells of vast expanses stretching backwards over time
Two objects at equal distance
Acting as if they care
Does weight follow mass in this instance?
Oh, E equals MC squared
I'm not at liberty to say
How a secret message came for you today
It holds the secrets of my heart and my mind
It tells of vast expanses stretching backwards over time
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Possum of the Grotto
He lives under the banyon tree
When I'm in trouble, he helps me
I hear him creep through the leaves at night
His flesh is pink, but his fur is bright snow white!
No meat, no bread
Get inside his little head
'Cuz he's the possum of the grotto
Possum of the grotto
Alkalize or die
Don't complain about humidity
If the yard is damp, that is where he'll be
Don't be racist against this albino
I have kissed his lips and seen his red eyes shine, oh!
Get inside his little head
'Cuz he's the possum of the grotto
Prophet of vibrato
Alkilize or die
Cheek to cheek
Don't be shy
Alkilize or die
Beast to beast
Eye to eye
Alkilize or die
No meat, no bread
Possum of the grotto
Possum of the grotto
Alkalize or die
'Cuz he's the possum of the grotto
Prophet of vibrato
Alkilize or die
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If Your Kisses Can't
Hold the Man You Love
Every time that I hear a woman cry 'cuz her man has left her flat
I just feel like saying, "don't be such a fool, you fool."
Better dry your eyes, can't you realize
You gain nothing by that
Well, that's no way to keep his heart warm, baby,
When his love grows cool
What's the use in sighing?
What's the use in crying
If he's wandered off the track?
'Cuz if your kisses won't hold the man you love
Then your tears won't bring him back, no
Might as well be cheerful
There's no use being tearful
If he's given you the sack
'Cuz if your kisses won't hold the man you love
Then your tears won't bring him back
Now, listen
If sweet sugar kissin' isn't gonna make him come home
Tell me,how do ya hope to keep him to ya
With tears instead of song
Just be a normal fella
Come on, say "What the hell-a"
Get his clothes and help him to pack
'Cuz if your kisses won't hold the man you love
Then your tears won't bring him back
Love is like home cooking: good, and wholesome
But all men need some mutton on the outside now and then
If you find your boy is cheating,
Do the same, old dear
He's only giving you the chance that you've been waiting for for years
My goodness! Tears won't get you anything
Just a shiny red nose
Go on, paint up, powder up, put on your swellest clothes
Men: go and get 'em by the score
Neglected girls shouldn't worry
That's what God made sailors for!
Don't cry for him or chase him
Just go out and replace him
With some good looking Tom, Dick or Jack
'Cuz if your kisses won't hold the man you love
Then your tears won't bring him back
If your kisses won't hold
The man you love
Then your tears won't bring him back!
The Mayor
Ooh, it's scrambled eggs what he says
He accuses me of treachery
Got the nine lies, got the wide eyes,
got a failing grade in chemistry
If you count back to the balcony
when all we saw was a mystery
of a blonde-haired boy brought his mother joy
with his pedigree and family tree
Oh, lay it all out on a wicker couch
that you wove in a loony bin
Cut it out, it's a second-round bout
not the way of a gentleman
Ah, give it up, get a job,
take a pill and leave me be
He's got a synapse lapse he don't think he has
but it's been proven empirically
"If they take something precious from me,
I'm gonna take something precious from them."
Oh now he's losing his constituency,
we thought "Oh, this could never happen again."
If I take something precious from him,
he try to take something precious from me
There's a battle in his head that he cannot win
There's a man that he could never be
Oh no
Way to go
He's the mayor
Oh, I'm quite tired of this lunatic
Why must we suffer 'cuz the mayor's sick?
He say: "All abandon from this sinking ship."
and he's off on another trip
No, he don't care about environment
He has made this a shitty place
My interest rate shrinks at a rapid pace
compounded daily on my worried face
"If they take something precious from me,
I'm gonna take something precious from them."
Oh now he's losing his constituency,
we thought "Oh, this could never happen again."
If I take something precious from him,
he try to take something precious from me
There's a battle in his head that he cannot win
There's a man that he could never be
Oh no
Way to go (2x)
He's the mayor
"If they take something precious from me,
I'm gonna take something precious from them."
Oh now he's losing his constituency,
we thought "Oh, this could never happen again."
(You're gonna hang your head and cry)
If I take something precious from him,
he try to take something precious from me
There's a battle in his head that he cannot win
There's a man that he could never be
(go ahead, go ahead and cry)
You're gonna hang your head and cry
Your gonna hang your head and cry
you're gonna cry
(He's the mayor)
(Oh no, way to go, he's the mayor)
When I Count...
When I count, y'all walk 'round the house and down to the yellow (?)
Yes ma'am
Yes ma'am
Remember (jumbled singing,laughter)
Yes ma'am
Yes ma'am
Remember (jumbled singing,laughter, more jumbled singing)
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I never want to be seen as cheap
I saw the tears in his eyes and I thought, "That's sweet."
I tried on all of my little jokes,
I muscle in, throw it in, just to see if it floats
Not many people have the balls of I
to take the bull by the horns and make it mine, all mine
He was it, he was really hot shit
He was tripping, he was ripped and he was high on life
He was it, he was really hot,
He was tripping, he was drifting, he was high
He was really nice
He smelled like propane and butterscotch
He kept his eyes on me 'cuz he liked to watch me
Tear up bedsheets to bandage him
He had been in a fight, but he did not win
I don't think we brought the money up,
It was a gas, oh we just laughed, this boy could not shut up
He was it, he was really hot shit
He was tripping, he was ripped and he was high on life
He was it, he was really hot shit
He was tripping, he was ripped and he was high on life (repeat)
He was it, he was really hot shit
He was tripping, he was ripped and he was high on life ( x4 )
He was tripping, he was drifting, he was high
He was really nice
He was it, he was really hot shit
He was tripping, he was ripped and he was high on life (repeat)
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Wicked Dickie
Ladies and gentlemen, this is a song about an old man.
He had a cow.
He had but one cow, and the cow died.
He loved the cow better than his own child.
When the cow died, getting grieved by the cow was going no milk and butter.
At home.
So, here come this song.
If you mourn for Dickie, I'll tell you right now
He was an old man and he had but one cow
Over hedges and ditches and fields he had plowed
He ran for his life just to get to his cow
Oh, wicked, wicked Dickie done died
Oh, wicked Dickie done died
If you mourn for Dickie, I'll tell you right now
He was an old man and he had but one cow
Over hedges and ditches and fields he had plowed
He ran for his life just to get to his cow
Oh, wicked Dickie done died
Oh, wicked Dickie done died
When the old man heard that his cow she was dead
over hedges and ditches you see he had fled
Over hedges and ditches and fields that were mown
he ran for his life just to get to his own
Oh, wicked Dickie done died
Oh, wicked Dickie done died
Now I sit down and I eat my dried meal
but I have no milk what to put in my pail
I have no butter to sop with my bread
now old wicked Dickie is dead
Oh, wicked Dickie done died
Oh, wicked Dickie done died
If you mourn for Dickie, I'll tell you right now
He was an old man and he had but one cow
Over hedges and ditches and fields he had plowed
He ran for his life just to get to his cow
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My Captivity by Savages
This is "The Story of My Captivity by Savages," or "How I Learned to Fight"
by Eliza Elizabeth Cook, age 13
Writ in my own hand on this, the 23rd day of August, 1829.
Chapter one.
"Fine Day for a Flaying," or "The Brutal Massacre of All I Held Dear."
The valley that runs down the trail over the west bank of the glorious state of
Natchez-Pierce was the site of my own hideous undoing. My whole family was lain
waste, no care taken by the natives that even baby Coolidge was to be spared an
ounce of pain.
How I came to be spared, by the grace of God, I shall never know.
I had been smashed in the head with a boulder over fourteen times by a young
Indian brave. When I awoke, with eyes still stinging from the smouldering
decimation, my large blue eyes looked up into the burning sun of the late summer
sky. No sooner had I stirred when four horsemen approached my wilted carcasse.
In their stilted English, they told me in great detail how they had massacred
mine own Ma and Pa, how my elder brother Ham had given no resistance to his own
flogging, and how easy it had been to make my sickly sister, Sarah Susanna, wail
and sob like a sea creature. (Boo hoo!)
I clenched my long, graceful fingers into tight fists at my sides, and turning
my head away, laughed quietly to myself. (Ha ha ha!) If these human animals
believed that they had captured a nubile and willing young white slave girl,
they were sorely mistaken.
I felt about my waist for a weapon. Oftentimes, I kept sewing tools hanging from
ribbons pinned to my dress. "Looking for this?" the handsomest warrior asked,
holding my sterling pinking shears up between two red fingers as he looked down
from his steed at my writhing confusion.
Brushing a strand of pale yellow hair from my brow, I pretended to reach for a
stray silken slipper that I had spied nearby, but swiftly darted up and in
between the flanks of the wild mustangs that stood majestically before me!
The silent commander had only to reach down to capture me by the hair. Yanking
hard, he pulled me upright, and twisted my fair face up to meet his cold, cold
gaze. I shall never forget my realization upon that moment that my freedom had
thus been robbed. And that although my pleasing mortal shell was intact,I, Eliza
Elizabeth Jane Cook, was to become a handmaiden to a number of verile,
half-naked nomads, and that this ordeal would continue fourteen years.
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Saline the Salt Lake
Queen
In a prehistoric dried up lake,
a million years after the last earthquake,
there lived a little girl who loved to bake.
The only thing she'd make was cake,
and all she used was salt
That's all she had, it's not her fault.
Saline the Salt Lake Queen
She used a rudimental substance for
an ingrediant that she could pour
into a chalice she carved out of stone.
her only friend, it was a big black crow
who flew with love,
he would fly high above,
look back at her below.
Oh Saline, only seventeen
swollen up with pride.
Oh Saline, under desert's skies
She's a bromide.
She makes green fire
In a tunnel of thorns
and she's got yellow eyes.
She'd cook alone amid a brutal ruin
It's hard to tell exactly what she's doing.
An incantation and a crow flew in
Oooooh Oooooh
And then she took a taste
The black crow looked into her face
Saline the Salt Lake Queen
Oooooh, oooooh
Oh Saline, the desert queen
Oh Saline, only seventeen
swollen up with pride.
Oh Saline, under desert's skies
She's a bromide.
She makes green fire
in a tunnel of thorns
and she's got yellow eyes.
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Oh, Injury
Oh, my sweet love
He built a rotary cuff
His shoulder got smashed
He's gotta mend and repair a device
To work where he got hit by the blast
Oh, woe is he
Unable to see in front of his face
A mistreated machine can start acting mean
It can crack up all over the place
Oh, injury
What a nasty wound
Here, let me see
If you put metal inside of a man
He can work much faster than you can
With a toothpick, a penknife, a can opener
Oh, injury
One kind of folk, they don't know it's broke
The others don't care
They just sit and complain about some imagined pain
About some uncle who fell down the stairs
"Since he got hurt
He don't go to work
We try to get by
He just sits in his chair with a glazed-over stare
We can't help but ask ourselves why"
Oh, injury
Oh, injury
Oh, injury
What a nasty wound
Here, let me see
If you put metal inside of a man
He can work much faster than you can
With a toothpick, a penknife, a can opener
Oh, injury
When I Was a Young Girl
When I was a young girl, a young girl, a young girl
When I was a young girl then, oh then
When I was a young girl, a young girl, a young girl
When I was a young girl then, oh then
It was a ha ha this-a-way
Ha ha that-a-way
Ha ha this-a-way then, oh then
The boys came a-courtin', courtin', courtin'
The boys came a-courtin' then, oh then
The boys came a-courtin', courtin', courtin'
The boys came a-courtin' then, oh then
It was a primp primp this-a-way
Primp primp that-a-way
Primp primp this-a-way then, oh then
It was a ha ha this-a-way
Ha ha that-a-way
Primp primp this-a-way then, oh then
Then we married, married, married
Then we married then, oh then
Then he died, died, died
Then he died then, oh then
It was a boo-hoo this-a-way
Boo-hoo that-a-way
Boo-hoo this-a-way then, oh then
Ha ha this-a-way
Ha ha that-a-way
Ha ha this-a-way then, oh then
When I was a young girl, a young girl, a young girl
When I was a young girl then, oh then
(Boo-hoo this-a-way
Boo-hoo that-a-way
Boo-hoo this-a-way then, oh then)
When I was a young girl, a young girl, a young girl
When I was a young girl then, oh then
When I was a young girl, a young girl, a young girl
When I was a young girl then, oh then
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Momma Was an Opium-Smoker
Momma was an opium smoker
She light it with a red-hot poker
She would never take a bath
We would ask her, she'd just laugh
because our momma was an opium smoker
She made it with this gentleman, Lincoln
They met on a boat, it was sinkin'
When she shoulda gone overboard, momma say "No way, oh my Lord
only of opium smoke am I thinkin'."
Oh, help us, Lord
we can't afford
her destructive ways
You oughta' hear what she says!
She would just sit on her fat ass
yell at us, "Fill up my wine glass!"
She would tell us, "How sad,
you won't never know your dad."
Oh yeah, my momma was an opium smoker
Go, momma, go
Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh
She hide the money and the drugs in the mattress
I wonder how long she's been at this
And I say, "Mom, bang the gong,
can't you see it's gone all wrong?"
My momma was an opium smoker
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No.17dee
I am the mother, don't ever say that
You don't ever want to say what you said again
November 17dee, never ever take my ingredients
from all of you, from all the city
Say November, November is an avolian
All aboard, but it's so gralians
November is all that stuff from a millions
A-li-ens.
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Girls' School
A happy start, a sad, sad ending
for every minute of the story
See as their wills are broke and bending
See the good girls in their glory
A primary academy, we're a secondary seminary teaching
finishing rinse, and dancing tips and scorn
Always concerned with plummeting virginity rates
We lecture young girls on how babies are born
Children! make a chain
Oh,Children! make a chain
The staff here is severe, yet so altruistic
It hurts us more than it hurts them
The new girls are tender, the old ones sadistic
The old janitress was a gem
Don't believe what the boys from next door heard
Requirements do include math
(A happy start, a sad, sad ending
for every minute of the story)
We draw straws and put our best foot forward
Down the straight and narrow path
Listen to our pretty song, we are happy as the day is long
Forget the things you thought you knew,
we'll make a very good girl of you
Listen to our pretty song, we are happy as the day is long
Forget the things you thought you knew,
we'll make a very good girl of you
A pupil transferred here from Lavender Lake
She wrote a winning essay on self-denial
Some underage urchins were forced to matriculate,
their records kept here undefiled
A neat retreat slips through their fingers
Which little girl made the plan?
Surely involved were the vespers bell-ringers
Down a ladder, through the gate, then they ran!
Listen to our pretty song, we are happy as the day is long
Forget the things you thought you knew,
we'll make a very good girl of you
Listen to our pretty song, we are happy as the day is long
Forget the things you thought you knew,
we'll make a very good girl of you
And the girls ran out of the schoolyard and up the hill behind.
"I'm scared!" said the littlest one.
"Don't worry." said the leader.
"They could catch us, or they could kill us,
but they can never crush our spirit!"
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